Hoopla! - Episode 7: Haiku Review Boogaloo!!!

Hello and welcome to Hoopla!, the comic-book review column with zero grams of trans fat per serving!!!

I have to apologize in advance because this week's column is going to be a quickie... I've got a couple of conferences coming up where I'm supposed to present papers. This is very exciting, of course, but the problem is that the papers I'm supposed to present don't actually exist just yet.

Apparently, that's the way it's done... you send an abstract of an article to the conference organizers and then, if you're lucky, they say, "Yes. We will pay for your hotel and food; come and dance for us, little monkey!"

And then you write the frickin' paper.

Well, the good news is that my abstracts have gone over really well, but the not-so-good news is that now I have to write the papers that they were allegedly abstracts of...

So, this week I'm going to rely heavily on the highly-regarded, yet rarely attempted, practice of Haiku-Reviews, which at one time was considered one of the five essential art forms that any person worth knowing knew back in Ancient China.

The Haiku-Review distills the comic-book review to its very essence... using the framework of the haiku to focus on that which truly matters most. To many, reading a Haiku-Review, particularly a Haiku-Review of a comic-book, borders on being a spiritual experience, a sort of awakening within. If the Haiku-Review has been performed correctly, you--the reader--should emerge from the experience not only with a sense of whether or not the comic-book being reviewed would appeal to you, but also with some newly gained insight into yourself and your place in this world.

How does that sound?

Hey, now... turn that frown upside-down, chum! This is going to be fun, I promise!!!

Teen Titans #43
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Tony Daniels

Deathstroke so angry
he forms a new Titans East.
Formulaic? Yes.

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Justice League of America #1-5
Written by Brad Meltzer
Art by Ed Benes

So many villians
Yet nothing really happens
Colorful nonsense

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The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #1-5
Written by Danny Bilson & Paul DeMeo
Art by Ken Lashley

Bart Allen as Flash?
Whose half-assed idea was that?
I watch sales plummet.

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Phew! I'm worn out from all that Haiku-ing! Which brings us to...

THE HOOPLA! HAIKU REVIEW BOOGALOO CONTEST:

I hereby challenge you, the readers, to present Hoopla! with your very own Haiku Review! It can be a review for a movie, a book, a comic-book, or even a State of the Union Address. It just needs to be a review of something and it sure as hell needs to be a haiku! The winner of our little contest will get...

Um...

I'm not sure what. But something cool. Something really, really cool.

NEXT WEEK: We return to normal reviews and it should be a very full week because I'm about to receive my monthly box of comics... so there'll be lots and lots to discuss! Plus: WHO... or WHAT... is IVY???

With a bit of luck, you'll find out the answer next week...