Hoopla! - Episode 44: Giving Thanks

Hello and welcome to Hoopla!

So, first of all, let's just say it and get it done with... I suck.

Weekly comic-book review column? Not even close...

In my defense, I have been busy with a ton of stuff, but who really wants to hear it? I sure don't. So, rather than make excuses, let's get to the good stuff...

Here's what I'm planning to be thankful for next February...

Ooh... Pretty.

And the title of this lovely thing?

THE IMMORTAL IRON FIST: ORSON RANDALL AND THE GREEN MIST OF DEATH

Yeah... I'm going to eat that up with a spoon, baby!!! With a spoon!!!

And then there's this...

I've read a couple of negative reviews of this whole "Kingdom Come" storyline in Justice Society of America, but I think those reviewers are all full of hooey!!! In fact, of the latest batch of comics that I received (these would be the October books), Justice Society of America was one of the very few that truly knocked my socks off. Geoff Johns isn't always my favorite writer, but he's really got the Kingdom Come version of Superman down... somehow tragic and noble in a way that plays off beautifully against the rest of the team. And Eaglesham's art is perfection...

Last month, I featured the cover to the first issue of Teen Titans: Year One... now, here we are with the cover to issue #2. And, once again, it's a doozy! I've found a couple of interior pages from this book, too, and it looks like this is gonna be a humdinger...

Yum!!!

For those of you who don't want to wait until February to be feeling the love, here are some kick-ass titles that I'm currently enjoying that are guaranteed to brighten your day...

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon's original story-arc was good, but the current story by Brian K. Vaughan is downright awesome... he really "gets" Faith and the bits with Giles are pretty damn good too... If the upcoming Angel: After the Fall series is even half as good as this, I'll be one happy man...

[Well, actually, if it's only half as good, that wouldn't be all that great. But if it's 7/8 or more...]

Ultimate Spider-Man

This series was in a slump for a while, but ever since the "Clone Wars" storyline, Bendis has been back in top form. And the inclusion of Kitty Pryde into the storyline has added immeasurably...

This is the Spider-Man series that all other Spider-Man series want to be... funny, dramatic, exciting, fun... Ultimate Spider-Man is one of the very few books that can consistently give me that "Gosh! Wow! Neat!" feeling that originally drew me to comics...

And then there's Captain America, Iron Fist, Booster Gold, Brave and the Bold, and pretty much anything written by Jeff Parker. Yes, it's a mighty good time to be a comic-book reader...

On a more personal note, this Thanksgiving I'm going to be extra-especially thankful for all of the following things...

1) My super-lovely girlfriend, Mie, who will be moving in with me in about six weeks

2) My new job, teaching at American University, which begins next semester. It's only a one-semester deal and not a tenure position, but it's still a pretty damn good start on a teaching career, especially considering I haven't finished my frickin' frackin' dissertation yet

3) My groovy friends

4) The student loan that I'm about to receive, which will allow me to eat and pay rent at the same time!!!

5) Once a month, I receive a big box of comic-books in the mail. How cool is that???

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that your relatives don't drive you insane or, if they do, that you at least get some funny stories out of it.

Until next time...

- Paul

Hoopla! - Episode 32: The Museum of Crappy Comic-Book Covers...

Hello and welcome to Hoopla!


The new solicitations for DC and Marvel books coming out in November have come out and I'm slightly under-whelmed. Not many new projects worth getting excited about, and a load of butt-ugly covers...



In honor of how crappy a lot of this stuff looks, I've decided to do an homage to some of the worst covers that will be on display in November...


Join me, won't you?

The above is a nice, generic crappy cover to start us off... what I particularly like about this cover is that I can't tell which characters I'm supposed to be looking at (Who's the guy lying in the corner? Who's the green guy? Who's the floating head at the top?), where they are, or who is fighting whom. Sure, the blue person is clearly fighting the dressed-in-red person, but what's the green person doing? Is the floating head involved in the fight or simply watching from afar? Why are there so many bats? Is one of these characters somehow related to Batman, or is it a red herring?

Who knows?

In this cover, from Batman and the Outsiders #2, I can at least tell that Aquaman is in the story, as well as Batman's torso and head, and Catwoman's butt. I think there are a couple of other characters too, swirling in the vortex that seems to be spreading from Aquaman's right hand, but I can't be sure.

Then there's a rocket that seems to be roughly the size of Catwoman's head. I don't know if the rocket is aimed at them or where they are or why Batman is floating behind the rocket or what the big explodey thing behind Batman is supposed to be. The sun, perhaps? Or why there are bubbles along the lefthand side of the cover. Maybe this is all taking place underwater? Or why Aquaman's hands are doing whatever it is that they're doing.

Ugh.

The idea behind this cover isn't so bad... using just red and white to get some kind of effect. The main problem, aside from the fact that it's ugly, is the weird shape that Kyle Rayner is shooting at. It sort of looks like he's gotten into a fight with the Red Maple Leaf from Canada's flag.

Lame.

Again, the concept here isn't so bad... who wouldn't want to read a story about Black Adam being bitten by Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, and whoever that guy in the corner is supposed to be? The problem here is that it looks like it was drawn by that guy who sat in the corner next to you in high school scribbling Heavy Metal album covers.

And the purple. The purple is a problem. It's so... deliberately purple. So very, self-consciously purple. And I have to wonder... why?

"So, I have this great concept for a Midnighter cover... it's going to be this sort of amateurish drawing of the Midnighter... and most of his hand!!!"

This cover isn't nearly as bad as some of the others, but I think it warrants recognition because two members of this team have the Power Girl-patented chest-window... and one of them is a guy with a hairy chest!

Brilliant!!!

I'm guessing his super-power is that he makes people standing next to him really, really uncomfortable...

"I'm not going to look at his hairy chest-hole, I'm not going to look at his hairy chest-hole, I'm not going to look at his hairy chest-hole..."

Worst. Drawing. Of Robin.

Ever.

For one thing, he's absurdly tall. His torso alone is taller than Aqualad.

Then there's the way his face is drawn... like a mentally challenged Richie Cunningham.

The best thing about this cover, though, is that the generic uniformed green-and-yellow guys aren't quite looking up high enough to see the Teen Titans... they're sort of looking at their knees. And at each other. And they can't quite muster up the sense of shock that they're supposed to be portraying.

"Hey, Bob, you see that? The Teen Titans' knees and feet just teleported above us."

"Yeah, I see that. Huh. Weird."

When in doubt, go with the classic "straight line" pose. Not only is it visually dull, it's also a bit confusing. What are they supposed to be standing on?

And is Krypto yawning? Bad, dog, bad!

I actually kind of like the above cover... it's interesting and colorful. My only problem with it is that I can't tell what the hell that thing is. A robot? A monster? A weird giant dog?


No clue.


But, despite this one major flaw, it's still a million times better than any of the others...


Finally, in the interest of helping to cleanse your pallette after that painful journey through the dregs of comic-book cover art, I offer you the following...




Yes, it's Dr. Octopus having tea and biscuits with Aunt May and Spider-Man. And, please note, Dr. Octopus is using his tentacles to serve the tea. Very nice.


And then, finally, this...




Ahh. I'm starting to feel better already.

NEXT WEEK: Every time I try to anticipate the contents of next week's column, I wind up being completely wrong. So, this time I'm not going to promise anything at all.

Does that mean that next week's column will have everything?

Be here next week to find out...

- Paul

Hoopla! - Episode 7: Haiku Review Boogaloo!!!

Hello and welcome to Hoopla!, the comic-book review column with zero grams of trans fat per serving!!!

I have to apologize in advance because this week's column is going to be a quickie... I've got a couple of conferences coming up where I'm supposed to present papers. This is very exciting, of course, but the problem is that the papers I'm supposed to present don't actually exist just yet.

Apparently, that's the way it's done... you send an abstract of an article to the conference organizers and then, if you're lucky, they say, "Yes. We will pay for your hotel and food; come and dance for us, little monkey!"

And then you write the frickin' paper.

Well, the good news is that my abstracts have gone over really well, but the not-so-good news is that now I have to write the papers that they were allegedly abstracts of...

So, this week I'm going to rely heavily on the highly-regarded, yet rarely attempted, practice of Haiku-Reviews, which at one time was considered one of the five essential art forms that any person worth knowing knew back in Ancient China.

The Haiku-Review distills the comic-book review to its very essence... using the framework of the haiku to focus on that which truly matters most. To many, reading a Haiku-Review, particularly a Haiku-Review of a comic-book, borders on being a spiritual experience, a sort of awakening within. If the Haiku-Review has been performed correctly, you--the reader--should emerge from the experience not only with a sense of whether or not the comic-book being reviewed would appeal to you, but also with some newly gained insight into yourself and your place in this world.

How does that sound?

Hey, now... turn that frown upside-down, chum! This is going to be fun, I promise!!!

Teen Titans #43
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Tony Daniels

Deathstroke so angry
he forms a new Titans East.
Formulaic? Yes.

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Justice League of America #1-5
Written by Brad Meltzer
Art by Ed Benes

So many villians
Yet nothing really happens
Colorful nonsense

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The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #1-5
Written by Danny Bilson & Paul DeMeo
Art by Ken Lashley

Bart Allen as Flash?
Whose half-assed idea was that?
I watch sales plummet.

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Phew! I'm worn out from all that Haiku-ing! Which brings us to...

THE HOOPLA! HAIKU REVIEW BOOGALOO CONTEST:

I hereby challenge you, the readers, to present Hoopla! with your very own Haiku Review! It can be a review for a movie, a book, a comic-book, or even a State of the Union Address. It just needs to be a review of something and it sure as hell needs to be a haiku! The winner of our little contest will get...

Um...

I'm not sure what. But something cool. Something really, really cool.

NEXT WEEK: We return to normal reviews and it should be a very full week because I'm about to receive my monthly box of comics... so there'll be lots and lots to discuss! Plus: WHO... or WHAT... is IVY???

With a bit of luck, you'll find out the answer next week...